Shades of Grey
by Bohemian Storm
Summary: Years before his death, Haldir laments about his lack of love to Elrond and dreams of nothing more than finding the one. (based in movie-verse)


Notes: For Dia, for her birthday. Happy 18th, darling! *many hugs* I really hope you enjoy this. You get it early only because of the bad thing I did with our fic earlier ... it's time you start saving them too.   
  
Many thanks to The Phantom, my beta reader for this fic.  
  
Shades of Grey  
  
Haldir of Lorien sat cross legged in the small chair on the edge of the balcony and stared across Rivendell, his grey eyes taking in every piece of it that he could. It wasn't that he had never been to Rivendell before, but had never before seen it as the leaves on the trees turned from the deepest green to a shimmering red and dropped off their branches like raindrops. The land was reminiscent of Lothlorien in its beauty, though it lacked the sparkling lights and glowing radiance of the Lady Galadriel. Unfolding his legs from beneath him, Haldir stood and stretched his arms over his head in a cat-like gesture before he turned to leave his room. It was a time before the Shadow grew over Middle-Earth, a time before Aragorn returned from battle to spirit away Elrond Half-Elven's daughter, Arwen and yet the Guardian still felt the threat looming.   
  
It was peaceful, despite the growing power of the One Ring. In his place in Lothlorien Haldir always felt a duty to be on guard and, strangely, Rivendell felt no different. A Lord dwelt in this land, a Lord who deserved Haldir's watchful eye just as much as did Galadriel and Celeborn. He was taking a well deserved break as Guardian of Lorien and yet he still could not leave behind his traditional ways of watching the night sky until it grew light before he finally slipped into a sleep. Even in the deepest chambers of Rivendell, Haldir did not feel safe. His undying need to protect still stirred within him and he prowled the halls when he was not staring over the land from his balcony. Many times Elrond had found Haldir pouring over books or scrolls, his slim fingers darting cautiously over ancient texts as if afraid they might crumble in his hands.   
  
He had wished many times that he could settle in Lorien with a bride, an elf maiden to love and worship, to raise a family with her by his side. His mind had woven their world into a perfect picture regardless of the fact that Haldir had not yet found this perfect maiden to love for all his immortal life. It was a dream, a fantasy he had created to take his mind off his loneliness, his times spent in tree tops and prowling the forest. Rivendell offered him an escape from his routine, but his mind could not push past the perfect bride he had created for himself. It was with these memories in mind that Haldir found himself staring into the water that ran under the silver bridge.  
  
How he had come to be outside, he did not know, but his mind had wandered so far and so deeply into memory that his legs had brought him to this place without his will. As he stared into the water a restless smile crossed over his lips, reflected in the shimmering liquid below. He loved Lorien, but Rivendell held him captivated as if by magic. Elrond's hand was seen almost everywhere and where his presence was not felt, Arwen Evenstar's magic was littered. The land belonged to them and Haldir respected them deeply for it, wondering silently what would become of the land when Elrond left and Arwen had to choose between Aragorn and an immortal life. He wondered if the land would wither and die without the magic of the elves or if it would live on forever, capturing their time in this place with its majestic beauty.   
  
"Deep in thought, Haldir?" a voice interrupted him and the blonde elf turned to see Elrond standing nearby.  
  
"My Lord," Haldir murmured, bowing his head slightly to the Lord of Imladris. "I was just wondering what would become of Rivendell when all it's occupants have returned to the land beyond the Sea."  
  
"Ah." A knowing smile touched Elrond's lips. "I have wondered this far too many times than is to be considered healthy," he replied, his eyes falling to the water beneath the bridge. "I have wondered what is to become of my beloved home and in times like that I regret that one day I must leave it behind."  
  
"You could not stay?" Haldir asked.  
  
Elrond's smile faded. "All the elves know I cannot, Haldir of Lorien. My heart lies within the Grey Havens."  
  
"Lady Celebrian," Haldir stated simply.  
  
Elrond's head dipped slightly in response. "Of course."  
  
Haldir turned away, staring out at the land. "I fear for this land once you are gone," he murmured. "For you have delivered to it a great beauty and great power."  
  
"And yet that is not all that is on your mind this night?" Elrond asked, walking softly onto the bridge and coming to stand beside Haldir.  
  
The younger elf sighed deeply. "I wish only for one moment that I may feel a fraction of your love and devotion to Lady Celebrian. Yet to find love as a Guardian is near to impossible. My heart belongs to Lothlorien, dedicated to the well being of my land and my Lord and Lady."  
  
Another smiled passed over Elrond's lips. "Silly child," he murmured softly. "Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn would love nothing more than to see their Guardians happy  
  
Haldir shook his head, blonde strands falling over his face as he did so. "That is not for them to decide, Lord Elrond. My heart belongs to my land."  
  
"Then it is unfair for you to blame your Lord and Lady for this lack of love, is it not?" Elrond asked.  
  
Haldir's head bowed further, his eyes staring restlessly into the calm water. "Who to blame then, if any blame is to be laid?" he asked softly. "Who to accuse as the reason for my years alone, wandering the woods of Lorien with only my bow and arrow as my companions? Myself? Surely you cannot believe that I chose this loveless life above all other. I have tried, Lord Elrond, but my heart cannot belong to just any elf. It must belong to her."  
  
Elrond's brow creased slightly and he turned to study the younger elf. His eyes passed over the golden hair, the thin braids and the pale skin. Haldir looked as if he had been carved out of stone, much like any other young elf did and the Half-elven wondered for a brief moment who this elf could have named as 'her' so soon in his immortal life.  
  
"Her?" he asked, not wanting to say anything more than was necessary.  
  
Haldir nodded. "Her." A soft smile crossed his face. "The one."   
  
"The one?"  
  
"Yes," Haldir said, raising his eyes to meet Elrond's. "Did you not ever imagine the woman who would steal your heart? Did you not spend time as a young elf thinking about the way her words would melt your soul and set chains about your very gift of speech? I knew how she would appear to me before the very first time it happened."  
  
"When did you first see her, Haldir?" Elrond asked, curious to find out the name of the young elf's true love.  
  
Haldir smiled sadly. "I have not yet met this lady. Her eyes have not yet fallen on mine, but they will. One day they will."  
  
"How do you see her?" Elrond asked.  
  
"In shades of grey," Haldir answered, his voice hushed with awe. "She comes to me in the colors of Lorien, her dress shimmering like the very trees that would shield us from the world. Her hair blonde, though not as light as mine . . . darker, like the setting sun turns a dark golden as it slips behind the trees. Her eyes are blue, sparkling like gems in her face, telling me everything I have ever wanted to hear spill from her lips." A wistful sigh escaped the elf. "She is a vision of grace and beauty and one day she will be mine to love for all eternity."  
  
Silence filled the glade slowly, pouring over the hills and pooling in the center beneath the bridge like a waterfall. Both elves were completely still, the peacefulness of the area surrounding them before Elrond moved slightly.   
  
He smiled gently, his hand hovering cautiously in the air for a moment before it covered Haldir's protectively. "I wish you nothing more than your deepest and most beautiful dreams, young one."  
  
Haldir's mouth turned up at the corners and his eyes met Elrond's. "I thank you for your continued support to my people. I am especially grateful for the way you open your home to my kind and your kind words in my hour of need."  
  
Elrond smiled again before leaving Haldir alone with his thoughts and dreams. The Half-elven hoped one day these ideas of perfection would become a reality, that they would blossom into the beautiful world he had imagined for himself. Elrond wanted Haldir to be truly happy, as happy as he had been in all his days with Celebrian. Everyone - man, elf, dwarf or hobbit - deserved to feel the deep happiness and contentment that love brought.   
  
In the days that followed battles were fought as an evil grew over Middle-Earth, it's shadow covering all corners of the land. Elrond fought his own battles, his desire to take his daughter away with him, knowing that she would remain unhappy and alone if she followed her father rather than staying with the man she loved. It was after the battle was fought and won that Elrond finally felt the release of his daughter to be final and resigned himself to leaving without her. It was during these days that he thought most of Haldir and the young elf's desire to be loved that was expressed in the deepness of night so many years ago. It seemed as if it was an eternity away but it was a memory that stood out above all others during the time when Sauron tried once more to reign.  
  
It was a memory of hope to Elrond, his heart desired nothing more than to learn of Haldir's happiness. He hoped for news before he travelled to the Grey Havens and it was with a heavy heart that he departed Middle-Earth after hearing of Haldir's fall at Helm's Deep. As he watched his land grow smaller, as the ship carried him away to be with his wife again, Elrond could not help but feel a pang of guilt. He was returning to his vision, to her, the one and Haldir lay dead in a battle field.  
  
"You lived well," he whispered to the wind as the ship sailed further from the land. "She will come to you one day in shades of grey."   
  
  
  
End 


End file.
